Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Below is part my response to something someone sent. Not to make this rather personal subject available for all to see, but I feel a lot better for knowing that I have the support of you, gentle readers. Here we go:
"I really dont know what to do about you.... I want to see you so much, but it really hurts me when I feel that you would rather see me for three days instead of more. I wanted to be around you, I wanted to come see you instead of going home to see my family, and I kind of felt like you were just saying you wanted me around because it was
what I wanted to hear.
"I am sorry I played hard ball. I have been learning to pursue what I want, and one of the biggest mistakes I have always made with you was being TOO available. Unsurprisingly, you go the other way and back off your time availability ::sigh:: I still don't have a ticket, but I hurt too much right now to give you the option of me visiting back. I don't want to believe that letting you in was a bad decision: I
think it was one of the few things I ever did right with you, but....
"I can't handle this with you right now. I don't know if I ever will be able to. Trying to have a relationship of any kind over 600 miles of distance is hard for me to begin with, and with our technological problems between my shady wireless (it died last night) and the verizon network, I don't feel like I can ever reach out to you. I need that. That is why I pushed so hard for a week. Everything I could have was all I wanted. :-/
"I won't call. That is for you to do now. I'm tired of feeling like crying when I get voicemail and know that I won't get the return call. I will not settle for a whisper of a ghost of a relationship, when I had something getting close to the real thing, no matter how badly I want to."
Are we being too harsh? Should I just let go and move on? Comments are welcomed :-)
"I really dont know what to do about you.... I want to see you so much, but it really hurts me when I feel that you would rather see me for three days instead of more. I wanted to be around you, I wanted to come see you instead of going home to see my family, and I kind of felt like you were just saying you wanted me around because it was
what I wanted to hear.
"I am sorry I played hard ball. I have been learning to pursue what I want, and one of the biggest mistakes I have always made with you was being TOO available. Unsurprisingly, you go the other way and back off your time availability ::sigh:: I still don't have a ticket, but I hurt too much right now to give you the option of me visiting back. I don't want to believe that letting you in was a bad decision: I
think it was one of the few things I ever did right with you, but....
"I can't handle this with you right now. I don't know if I ever will be able to. Trying to have a relationship of any kind over 600 miles of distance is hard for me to begin with, and with our technological problems between my shady wireless (it died last night) and the verizon network, I don't feel like I can ever reach out to you. I need that. That is why I pushed so hard for a week. Everything I could have was all I wanted. :-/
"I won't call. That is for you to do now. I'm tired of feeling like crying when I get voicemail and know that I won't get the return call. I will not settle for a whisper of a ghost of a relationship, when I had something getting close to the real thing, no matter how badly I want to."
Are we being too harsh? Should I just let go and move on? Comments are welcomed :-)
Comments:
Extraordinary soul-bearing.
Only through the heart can one see rightly.
Without balance, you won't have what you want. Because balance ultimately is a need-have not a could-have.
HILA: High intentions, low attachment.
Breathe.
**All, some, one or none of the above may or may not be possibly occasionally relevant, maybe. Or not.
- Mac D
Only through the heart can one see rightly.
Without balance, you won't have what you want. Because balance ultimately is a need-have not a could-have.
HILA: High intentions, low attachment.
Breathe.
**All, some, one or none of the above may or may not be possibly occasionally relevant, maybe. Or not.
- Mac D
# posted by 
: Friday, June 25, 2004 6:13:00 AM
: Friday, June 25, 2004 6:13:00 AM
Ariane...this is so strange...I'm going through kind of the same thing. Ordinarily, I would say move one--no question. But today, because I really quite adore this new guy I may be beginning...something...with, and because we just made up...I say wait a bit, don't give up so easily. I mean I know I don't know particulars...but the call when/who does the calling thing has been really difficult for us, too. But--the part that comes after we get through all our technological glitches and stuff is the rewarding part. Today, I feel as though I have to give this a chance. And everyone knows that distance is hard, so I tell myself everyday, why am I so surprised when the difficulties present themselves. For me, it's a matter of whether he's worth it or not. And today--he absolutely is.
But just an aside...if this person isn't calling at all--or it's more 80/20, 70/30 than say 60/40, I think you're doing well to let them be responsible for the next step. And that you are stating exactly what's on your mind/heart is good--they need to read/hear just that. That's the only way you'll get what you need from this person--if they're capable of giving it to you.
I wrote a post a couple days ago that details my own version of this business...the one called "I know best (and what not!)" Be patient, but firm, my dear!
But just an aside...if this person isn't calling at all--or it's more 80/20, 70/30 than say 60/40, I think you're doing well to let them be responsible for the next step. And that you are stating exactly what's on your mind/heart is good--they need to read/hear just that. That's the only way you'll get what you need from this person--if they're capable of giving it to you.
I wrote a post a couple days ago that details my own version of this business...the one called "I know best (and what not!)" Be patient, but firm, my dear!
* and once again momentarily adrian swallows his pride like a fool, steps infront of a speeding train to delay it for a moment cause he sees someone he cares for in need*
*smiling*
what are you doing?
you know what your decisions is.....why can't that be enough? is there some seed of doubt that the decision you made was not the right one? *shrugs* so be it, don't let anyone deter you from what it is you feel you should say or do, escpecially (sp) concerning matters of the heart.....
whatever will be, shall be....we can merely only do what we feel to be right and true, and move our pieces thusly once the dust has cleared.
...but you know this, and while i may not have fait in a religion....i have faith in people, and you, do to what you think is needed.
crickets are annoying
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*smiling*
what are you doing?
you know what your decisions is.....why can't that be enough? is there some seed of doubt that the decision you made was not the right one? *shrugs* so be it, don't let anyone deter you from what it is you feel you should say or do, escpecially (sp) concerning matters of the heart.....
whatever will be, shall be....we can merely only do what we feel to be right and true, and move our pieces thusly once the dust has cleared.
...but you know this, and while i may not have fait in a religion....i have faith in people, and you, do to what you think is needed.
crickets are annoying
# posted by : Saturday, June 26, 2004 1:58:00 AM
: Saturday, June 26, 2004 1:58:00 AM