rants by Ariane su kanji

I think my favorite part about this whole blog is the responses. I love being able to vent and get things off my chest with what is ticking me off, but when something is bugging me and I get feedback that helps, that makes my day. Sometimes it isn't what I want to hear, but then what ever is always what you want.

I got into the discussion with DJ sometime in the last couple days (my time sense is kinda screwy right now since I am sort of working second shift, but I go home and take naps in the afternoon) about how I don't think it is realistic to expect to be happy all the time. Nor would I ever want to get what I want all the time. How could I know the difference between happy and sad? It doesn't help that I am listening to 'Timequake' by Kurt Vonnegut (Jr I think) and he was talking about implications. Like to have nothing, you must have something to compare it to; dark implies light, up implies down, good implies evil, and happy implies sad. If I was happy all the time, how would I really know what happiness was and how could I appreciate it? I want the choice to be sad or angry or hurt so that when I feel good and am happy and excited, I have something to compare it to. Is that too much to ask for? Sometimes I wonder. But then, as an almost Engineer, I will be expected to wonder to get paid. yeah... back to work. I really don't like working second shift when I have projects that all happen in the morning.

Man, this sucks. I did my yearly get poked and prodded at the girl doctor last week and this week I go off and get sick. Grrr. I left early Wednsday by a couple hours to go get checked out at the local clinic, of course it takes me almost two hours there, then go get prescriptions filled for another while. I decided not to wait for them and just get my nails done for the wedding this weekend, so I can't pick things up and I was feeling sorry for myself. My new roomie calls me around 5, wakes me from a dead sleep and I tell him I am sick. Somehow he can make people feel better just by having him around, and he tells me this, which I flatly disbelieve. It's kinda like how getting kicked in the shin makes your headache seem like less. So he is sitting there telling me what I can and cannot do, and at a certain point, I decide I'm better, just so I dont feel trapped. Damnit, I'm 21, just let me sleep. I also am apparently completly incoherent when just awakened from a nap, much to his amusement. Completly unable to follow a train of thought past the first couple of sentences :-) fun for me to hear about later, tho.

I really wish the guys installing the new equipment would hurry up and get things ready so I can go haul liners around and be a little less bored. zzzz.... too much MSG at lunch.

Below is part my response to something someone sent. Not to make this rather personal subject available for all to see, but I feel a lot better for knowing that I have the support of you, gentle readers. Here we go:

"I really dont know what to do about you.... I want to see you so much, but it really hurts me when I feel that you would rather see me for three days instead of more. I wanted to be around you, I wanted to come see you instead of going home to see my family, and I kind of felt like you were just saying you wanted me around because it was
what I wanted to hear.

"I am sorry I played hard ball. I have been learning to pursue what I want, and one of the biggest mistakes I have always made with you was being TOO available. Unsurprisingly, you go the other way and back off your time availability ::sigh:: I still don't have a ticket, but I hurt too much right now to give you the option of me visiting back. I don't want to believe that letting you in was a bad decision: I
think it was one of the few things I ever did right with you, but....

"I can't handle this with you right now. I don't know if I ever will be able to. Trying to have a relationship of any kind over 600 miles of distance is hard for me to begin with, and with our technological problems between my shady wireless (it died last night) and the verizon network, I don't feel like I can ever reach out to you. I need that. That is why I pushed so hard for a week. Everything I could have was all I wanted. :-/

"I won't call. That is for you to do now. I'm tired of feeling like crying when I get voicemail and know that I won't get the return call. I will not settle for a whisper of a ghost of a relationship, when I had something getting close to the real thing, no matter how badly I want to."

Are we being too harsh? Should I just let go and move on? Comments are welcomed :-)

I’ll tell you how my day has been
How the sun has caught my face
How I lul myself to sleep
Waving shadows on my face
Chasing dreams that just passed by
Broken Dreams’I’m just too late
Chasing’Broken Dreams
If only you could keep my warm
If only you could keep me from harm
Chasing dreams that just passed by
Broken dreams’I’m just too late
Chasing broken dreams

Man, no comments lately. ::bummed:: I guess I haven't been writing too much: been doing too much stuff to have time to write :-) Off to go bug contractors about safety glasses.

Two of those I read have been talking about the delightful idiosyncracies of home speech in their writings. Both women are English majors in Southern Universities and seem to be stepping far away from life at home to do so. Some how, with cherry blood all over my hands and staining them from pitting pounds of the blood red delights, I have been contenplative today. It's the little things, really, that make the difference: walking into the restaurant 3 minutes before the lunch rush, the way my mom says 'Its costing me a leg and an arm,' knowing that tomorrow night I can curl up with a little bundle of fur named Winslow and barely feel his heartbeat under the purring, playing phone tag with one of the important people in my life due to the un-reliability of cell phones but getting all the fun messages anyway. ::sigh:: where does all the good prose go?

"If you aren't getting in trouble, you must not be doing much." - One of my supervisors. I like to ask questions, lots of questions. This keeps me into other peoples business for one, and well informed for another. Both of which are good things as far as I am concerned. The good part is that as an intern, I get a lot of leeway from my co-workers with questions. I can go and ask pretty much anyone in my department for a little bit of help, or for advice, or just a little about how their weekend was and family are, and they will make that extra effort to keep me informed so I can do my job. And the way I repay them is with an additional question: "What can I do to help?"

I love to follow several of my new friends in the 'Blog-o-verse' with their writings. One in particular is a treat to read when she posts: she goes by 'Fuego' with the spanish exclamation thingys around it that I am incapable of doing. Today I read hers - and if you look at her profile she is a grad student doing lit or writing - and she has an amazing poem up.

I commented on it: Your writing is as always a pleasure to read, but today especially so. It irks me to distraction that the focus of teaching in this country is so narrow (I've got dual citizenship) as to not include some of the more amazing 'non American' texts. Are we so shallow as to no longer be able to appreciate the depth and breadth of experiences available to us beyond our own rather narrow heritage? Must it have been originally written in American English to be valid? I need to go write more.

And am now doing said writing more. Go follow the link on the right side of my page, you won't be dissappointed. Not ever with her.

"Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties" - W. L. George.

From my daily calendar with quotes about and photos of kittens. Somehow seems a lot neater and cleaner than the human way of living: we can't not work, confine or penalize for those things, yet they do it easily, almost trivially.

Happy Birthday Jaki and everyone else born on Flag Day.

Oh, speaking of restaurants, there is one particular thing that can really tick me off about going out: a lot of places the food is great and the service is mediocre at best, or the service rocks and the food sucks. Why can't places just be more consistent. Is it lack of training on the servers part? I figure that if I will be spending $50 for two people at dinner, I damn well better get service to match. Makes it so frustruating to go out sometimes... couple of restaurants around town that I have that with.

I had an interesting dinner last night. My new roomie and I went out to buy dinner and got completly sidetracked again as usual. Getting gas and money were the easy parts, then to Sams to pick up what we had missed earlier that week plus more, TJMaxx to try to get baking pans (we failed, but I got a pair of capris), then to Bed Bath and Beyond to actually get said pans, along with a vegetable chopping knife, a corkscrew, and wine glasses. By this time we were in no mood to cook, so we went out.

We decided to go to O'Charley's and got seated in a booth at the bar with a nice waitress. I was pretty amused by the table behind me - seemed to be a first date, he seemed to be a real idiot, and she didnt seem that much better. This impression was confirmed shortly thereafter when as she was clarifying that there used to be a land bridge between Alaska and Russia, he asked if that was near the Equator. Wow. Anyway, at some point he asked our waitress (theirs too) if since it was his date's birthday, they would come out and sing. Her comment, much to my amusement, was 'Now aren't you nice always bringing out girls for their birthdays!' and watching him attempt to do damage control was hilarious. After they had left (since the roomie wouldn't let me until then) I remarked upon it to the waitress who enlightned us to the fact that he had been in for the last few weeks on Thursdays, each time with a different girl, and each time saying it was their birthday. She seemed tickeled that her off hand comment had registered. I think I would go back and ask for her section.

A - Age: 21

B - Best quality: I guess I should say intelligence, but I get a lot of compliments on my eyes.

C - Choice of meat: On the rare side of medium rare, unless its lamb, then its rare.

D - Dream guy/girl: smart, funny, treats me well and makes me laugh.

E - Ex (most recent): How do i answer this? the most recent ex-boyfriend, kiss, friend??

F - Favorite food: SUSHI

G - Greatest accomplishment: I think that my 4.0 that one term...

H - Happiest day of your life: ummm... not going there...

I - Internal conflicts: 'to trust or not to trust'

J - Jolly good time!: good food and good company

K - Kool-Aid: Cherry!

L - Love: can be the most amazing thing. Honestly tho, if it is important, he'll make it happen though.

M - Most valued thing I own: i would say my mind, but im not sure that i own it... it seems sometimes that it owns me, but then i get confused in this loop somewhere.

N - Name: Ariane, occasionally Ari or Ariko, but usually just Ariane.

O - Outfit you love: anything that I can wear with stilettos

P - Pizza toppings: pineapple

Q - Question you want to ask: I like "why?"

R - Radio station: 101.1 the Fox when at home, otherwise book on tape all the way baby!

S - Sport to watch: Ill watch college basketball and pro football on TV, baseball, soccer, and hockey if I am at the stadium.

T - Television show: I do not own a TV

U - Unique habit: 'I bite the skin on my fingers to the point that it's probably borderline canniballistic' was on the guy's I got this from, somehow it seems amazingly appropriate, though hardly unique anymore.

V - Vanity, yes or no?: My eyebrows

W - Winter: is nice in Florida

Y - Year born: 1982

Z - Zodiac Sign: Libra

I think I have been having too much fun with my new roommate. He and I get along fantastically, which is of course both good and bad. I have fun, but then I stay up too late and getting up for work is kinda tough. Last night I noticed something interesting in the way I interact with him: I don't talk nearly as much as I do with most people. He does a lot of the talking with me doing the occasional prompting for details, and somewhere in this process he ends up sharing a lot more than he normally would with a friend. I find it amusing, especially when he starts on some story and interrupts himself halfway through to ask himself why on earth he is telling me this. I just bat my eyes and ask that he continue....

Wow it has been a crazy week. From a trucker calling back to Verizon to ask for my phone number to being rescued not once, but twice by a friend of mine... yeah. New Roomie too. The old one moves out at the end of the month and the new one needed a place to stay that was less than a 45minute commute, so here I am. Hes a lot of fun too. Been drinking a bit too much, but oh well, I've been staying out of trouble.

Back to the rescueing though: Last tuesday we got some new interns at work and I was taking one of them to get his car worked on at Sears and we get the paperwork done and call his parents and they are cool with doing it and we go to unload his stuff into my car and he promptly procedes to lock his keys in the car. The mechanic at Sears was beyond worthless and we end up trying to use a coat hanger and the security guard comes over and we are making zero progress. I call my friend in town and he comes over and somehow manages to break into the damn thing. That is hard work by the way. Then Friday I went out and got stranded (long story) and he was there and was able to call me a cab and spot me the $10 for the ride. Thank goodness. But c'mon, that was twice in one week that he was the knight in shining armor to my damsel in distress!

Saturday morning I was sitting out on the patio at a coffee shop downtown talking to my parents and about every couple minutes a pack of people on bikes drove past, completly obliterating my ability to converse. I want me one of them! No more spending money on clothes or expensive food, need to get a vehicle with good mileage :-) and of course the helmet.

I ::heart:: my commentors! It makes me sooo happy to know that someone is reading the drivel I post, even if it is to bitch that it pisses you off (Adrian). I really like reading what other people write, and it gives me the warm fuzzies to know that someone, anyone cares enough to take the time not only to read it, but to say something about it. Oh, and I tested the post from a couple days ago, seemed to work ok.... dunno, maybe blogger was being weird again.

Again, thanks for commenting. If nothing can make me smile all day, that will.

Hmmm... So when I was in Detroit the friend I was staying with was talking about a course he had taken to prep for the transfer and mentioned (after I untied his shoes a couple of times) that he found out that he had been tying his shoes wrong for years. I had been mildly curious what working had done since I used to have to work harder to be cutely annoying with his shoes since he kept them double knotted. So, after getting some ribbing from the few of us that were over, he decided to demonstrate. Normally people are taught to make a granny knot between the first knot and the bow, but this doesn't hold very well - you are supposed to make a square knot. This is as simple as crossing the strings over the other way when you start, but it makes a big difference, expecially on waxed dress laces.

I don't own any shoes that use the waxed laces, but i do have several shirts with ribbon ties. I decided to further test this theory today wearing my new work shirt (green stripey with lightly ruched pockets and ribbons on the sleeves) by tying the left bow the old way and the right the new. Surprisingly, the left is still holding and after re-tying the right several times before 10am, I decided to convert the other to that way of tying. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks :-)

IMing with a friend:

AlexYoshi (10:02:41 PM): I do volunteer tech support. I got this message on a forum:

LMAO AlexYoshi, I think I screwed up the install. my cosmos has none of that and every time I start up WoW I get a popup: "Critical error in front of the monitor: #ID10T"

so, which any key do I use to fix it?

Wow. Every once in a while, I realize how lucky I am. A friend of mine asked me how I liked work, and I was able to respond that I loved it. Not only is it a lot easier and more fun than school, but I "like what i am doing, where i am doing it and with whom. every day is a new challenge, and i can go out on the floor, be recognized and greeted, and the occasional thing where i can say 'i did that.'" Life is good. One of my friends moves in Thursday, so i have the feeling that my imbibing habits are going to rise, but it will be a ton of fun. One of the new co-ops is pretty cool and has a pretty sweet setup at his new place, so we are going to re-instate dinner and a movie with his movies and my cooking. it should be great. life is not just good, its great!

Wow. Every once in a while, I realize how lucky I am. A friend of mine asked me how I liked work, and I was able to respond that I loved it. Not only is it a lot easier and more fun than school, but I "like what i am doing, where i am doing it and with whom. every day is a new challenge, and i can go out on the floor, be recognized and greeted, and the occasional thing where i can say 'i did that.'" Life is good. One of my friends moves in Thursday, so i have the feeling that my imbibing habits are going to rise, but it will be a ton of fun. One of the new co-ops is pretty cool and has a pretty sweet setup at his new place, so we are going to re-instate dinner and a movie with his movies and my cooking. it should be great. life is not just good, its great!

Wow. Every once in a while, I realize how lucky I am. A friend of mine asked me how I liked work, and I was able to respond that I loved it. Not only is it a lot easier and more fun than school, but I "like what i am doing, where i am doing it and with whom. every day is a new challenge, and i can go out on the floor, be recognized and greeted, and the occasional thing where i can say 'i did that.'" Life is good. One of my friends moves in Thursday, so i have the feeling that my imbibing habits are going to rise, but it will be a ton of fun. One of the new co-ops is pretty cool and has a pretty sweet setup at his new place, so we are going to re-instate dinner and a movie with his movies and my cooking. it should be great. life is not just good, its great!

Wow. Every once in a while, I realize how lucky I am. A friend of mine asked me how I liked work, and I was able to respond that I loved it. Not only is it a lot easier and more fun than school, but I "like what i am doing, where i am doing it and with whom. every day is a new challenge, and i can go out on the floor, be recognized and greeted, and the occasional thing where i can say 'i did that.'" Life is good. One of my friends moves in Thursday, so i have the feeling that my imbibing habits are going to rise, but it will be a ton of fun. One of the new co-ops is pretty cool and has a pretty sweet setup at his new place, so we are going to re-instate dinner and a movie with his movies and my cooking. it should be great. life is not just good, its great!

Wow. Every once in a while, I realize how lucky I am. A friend of mine asked me how I liked work, and I was able to respond that I loved it. Not only is it a lot easier and more fun than school, but I "like what i am doing, where i am doing it and with whom. every day is a new challenge, and i can go out on the floor, be recognized and greeted, and the occasional thing where i can say 'i did that.'" Life is good. One of my friends moves in Thursday, so i have the feeling that my imbibing habits are going to rise, but it will be a ton of fun. One of the new co-ops is pretty cool and has a pretty sweet setup at his new place, so we are going to re-instate dinner and a movie with his movies and my cooking. it should be great. life is not just good, its great!